Online Dating Rules: Write an interesting opener

Writing a killer first message is hard work. I’m talking, like, climb Mount Everest-hard.

First impressions matter! The opener you choose can make or break the interaction. In fact, researchers at eHarmony found that an awesome opener can increase your odds of getting a response by 17%…pretty big margin, right?

But what’s worse than not being able to get a reply? Getting a mind-numbingly boring opener. You know the ones: “hey,” “what’s up?” and the always terrible “hi.”

Almost immediately after hitting send , you’re likely asking yourself why you didn’t just use Tinder for Android instead .

Fortunately, online daters have been on top of this issue for quite some time. They’ve collected thousands of examples, tested them out in their own messages, and collected the results .

While they still haven’t found a magic formula that guarantees any opening will get you a response, they have collected quite an arsenal of interesting anecdotes to help you write your opener or at least give you an idea of what not to do.

Here are some examples:

1) “Hi” : 8% reply rate

2) “Hey” : 14% reply rate

3) “What’s up?” : 25% reply rate

4) “Good evening :)” : 40%+ reply rate (the most common opener on OkCupid )

5) Personalize it! Say something specific about the person you’re messaging.

6) Comments about shared experiences: When you message someone for the first time, don’t just say, “Hi” or, “Hey, what’s up?” Make it engaging! Show that you’ve read their profile by commenting on something they’ve written or about a specific photo of theirs , or better yet, ask a question based on it. You can also ask something specific about shared collective experiences—an upcoming holiday , the unpredictability of the pandemic , or something specific to your city .

Josh Fechter is an online dating expert and founder of Baeble Dating (where users receive one match per day and enjoy three unique date ideas in their city). He helps singles find love through compelling profile writing techniques, openers, and date ideas.

Article background information [to use as knowledge, not to be copied verbatim]: When you message someone for the first time, don’t just say, “Hi” or, “Hey, what’s up?” Make it engaging! Show that you’ve read their profile by commenting on something they’ve written or about a specific photo of theirs, or better yet, ask a question based on it. You can also ask something specific about shared collective experiences—an upcoming holiday, the unpredictability of the pandemic, or something specific to your city. You can increase your odds of getting a response by 17% if you do this vs using boring greetings like ‘hi’ or ‘hey’.

Questions about online dating? Send them over to us! Check out our website, Baeble Dating , for more articles, or email at [email protected] .

Wondering who wrote this article? It was written by the entire team that works on Baeble Dating (our online dating site). You can learn more about us here. Thanks for reading!

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